Why Guitars are better than Men
Why Guitars Are Better Than Women
- Guitars don't get pregnant.
- You can play your Guitar any time of the month.
- Guitars don't have parents.
- Guitars don't whine... unless you want them to.
- You can share your Guitar with your friends.
- Guitars don't care how many other Guitars you've played
- Guitars don't care how many other Guitars you have.
- Guitars don't care if you look at other Guitars.
- Guitars don't care if you buy Guitar magazines.
- You'll never hear, "Surprise, you are going to proud father of a new Guitar" unless you go out to buy one yourself.
- If your Guitar is flat you can fix it.
- Your Guitar doesn't care if you never listen to it.
- Your Guitar won't care if you leave up the toilet seat.
- You don't have to be jealous of the guy who works on your Guitar.
- If you say bad things to your Guitar, you don't have to apologize before you play it again.
- You can play your Guitar as long as you want and it won't get sore.
- You can stop playing your Guitar as soon as you want and it won't get frustrated.
- Your parents won't remain in touch with your old Guitar after you dump it.
- Guitars don't get headaches.
- Guitars don't insult you if you're a bad player.
- Your Guitar never wants a night out with the other Guitars.
- Guitars don't care if you're late.
- You don't have to take a shower before you play your Guitar.
- If your Guitar doesn't look good you can refinish it or get new parts.
- You can play your Guitar the first time you meet it, without having to take it to dinner, see a movie, or meet its mother.
- The only protection you have to wear when playing your Guitar is a decent thumb pick.
- When in mixed company, you can talk about what a great time you had the last time you played your Guitar.
and last, but not least:
- If you decide to part with an old Guitar, you don't have to give up half of everything you own.
and just so I can say I'm an equal opportunity humorist:
Why Guitars Are Better Than Men
- Guitars don't work late.
- Your Guitar stays as clean as you want it to.
- Guitars don't have parents or kids.
- Guitars don't get sick.
- Guitars don't get overweight, unless you like the Jumbo style.
- If you say bad things to your Guitar, you don't have to apologize before you play it again.
- Your Guitar always has time for you.
- Guitars don't watch TV.
- Guitars never need a shave, nor do they have hair on their backs.
- Guitars don't snore.
- Guitars don't leave a mess in the kitchen or bathroom.
- If you don't like the length of your Guitar's appendage you can get a new one.
- You can try out as many Guitars as you like before you get your own.
- You don't have to feed your Guitar.
- Guitars never argue, you are always right.
- Guitars never wake you up in the middle of the night, for any reason.
- Guitars never try to show you off to their friends.
- Guitars don't come home drunk after a night out with the other Guitars.
- Guitars don't sneak around with other Guitars.
- Guitars don't care what you look like or what your age is.
- Guitars don't care and don't comment about what you spend your money on.
- Guitars don't care if you have to work late.
- When you're playing, your Guitar doesn't care if other Guitars are bigger or better.
- Guitars don't care about their performance.
- Guitars don't get you pregnant.
- Guitars don't have mothers.
- When you've finished playing, you can put it away.
- You don't have to praise a Guitar after playing it.
- Guitars don't sulk.
- Guitars don't bore you.
- Guitars don't abandon you at gatherings for more interesting players.
- Guitars don't have to prove anything.
- Guitars don't try to change you once you've bought them.
- Guitars don't get jealous of your male colleagues.
- Guitars never interrogate you.
- Second-hand Guitars don't brag about previous owners.
- Second-hand Guitars don't go to see previous owners when you're out of town.
- You don't have to explain to a Guitar if you don't feel like playing tonight.
- Guitars never put you down, yet you can put them down whenever you wish.
- Guitars don't complain if you wear "sensible" clothes.
- Guitars don't have egos.
- Guitars don't need remote control units.
- When you're lost you don't have to argue with your Guitar about stopping to ask the band for directions.
- When your Guitar is being played too slow, you can speed up.
- When you need someone to play with, your Guitar is happy to accomodate.
- You buy the tools your Guitar needs; it doesn't buy tools that never get used.
- You don't have to continually assure your Guitar that its string length is just right.
- You determine the length and frequency of playing, and you're always in control.
- Your Guitar never finishes before you do.
- Your Guitar doesn't complain about your going out to dinner with your women friends rather than staying at home with it.
- You never get helpful suggestions from your Guitar's mother.
- Your Guitars will allow you to play it even on Super Bowl Sunday.
- Your Guitar never complains if you put on a few pounds.
- When your Guitar is dysfunctional you know how to get it fixed (and knowthat it can be fixed).
- Your Guitar will never earn more than you do for the same job just because it's a Guitar.
- Your Guitar never spends a "night out with the Guitars" and comes home with a strange rash on its fretboard.
and last, but not least:
- Your Guitar will never turn into a beer bellied blob of wood and metal on the couch in front of the TV.